Unfeeling
by Yoru No Grim
Summary: Ivan didn't understand love when he saw her before. But now he's back, and she can't forget what he did to her. PG-13 just in case. Ivan Read and see


8BTFreek: Well, here goes nothing!  
  
RM: What is it this time?  
  
Alex: Yeah, what do you have planned for us?  
  
Freek: Well... I'm planning to break my form. I'm introducing a tenth muse to keep you guys in check.  
  
Alex: Who?  
  
Freek: Well... How about I just introduce her?  
  
Alex: HER?!  
  
Freek: Yes, Her. Her name is... Nyanaeve al'Meara, from the Wheel of Time!  
  
Alex: Another WoTWorlder?  
  
Freek: Yes. *Looks around* Where is she?  
  
(At this moment, there is a noise similar to that of a gas explosion trapped inside a nuclear blast. That is, a really big bang.)  
  
Freek: What the hell?  
  
Nynaeve: *Slaps Freek* There will be no swearing in here from now on.  
  
RM: Heh. Like she's going to keep the rest of us in line. She looks like a healer.  
  
BM: White Mage is a healer, but she's got a mean left hook.  
  
RM: Point taken. So, Miss al'Meara-  
  
Nynaeve: Not Miss. I've got a husband, if he'll ever come 'round and admit it. Anyway, I prefer Nynaeve Sedai.  
  
Freek: That's something I forgot to mention. She's Aes Sedai. Ask Rand when he comes back.  
  
Nynaeve: Rand's here?  
  
Freek: No, but he's a muse. Like you, actually.  
  
Nynaeve: What's a muse?  
  
Freek: RM, please take the Aes Sedai aside and explain the duties of a muse. *RM takes Nynaeve off to a corner of the FreekLair* Anyway, this is Unfeeling, the Ivan/Kay fic that I can't postpone any longer. I just have to write it. So here's my songfic based on "You Give Love a Bad Name" by Bon Jovi, Unfeeling!  
  
Nynaeve: And Freek doesn't own Golden Sun. I'd give him a tongue-lashing if he said otherwise.  
  
Freek: Just a warning-I use waaaay too many flashbacks in my Songfic writing (this is number 2, but expect more).  
  
**Unfeeling**  
  
Ivan looked at the town. He hadn't wanted to come back here, not ever. It wasn't the prospect of seeing the town elders and explaining what he'd done that was the problem. It was facing...her. He had only remembered her recently, but those few memories were enough to convince him that coming back was a bad idea. "Garet, can I come by sometime later? Like maybe after Kay is dead?"  
  
"No chance, shrimp. You're not getting off that easily. Now then, let's go see someone, eh?" A twisted grin spread slowly across Garet's face. Ivan groaned. This would not be pleasant.  
  
A few moments later, they had arrived at the center of town. Hama walked off with Felix, intent on meeting her soon-to-be father-in-law. Garet, meanwhile, had gone off in search of his sister. Ivan sighed. "No sign of her yet," he muttered. Maybe he could get through the ordeal without seeing her.  
  
"You've come back, I see." No such luck. He turned around. Standing there, about a foot away from him, was the one person he'd been trying to avoid.  
  
"Hello, Kay. Nice to see you again." For once in his life, Ivan felt glad at looking cool and calm all the time. "How have things been going with you?" She shot a glare at him.  
  
"Fine, if you consider being bored to tears fine." She spun around and began sobbing. "Why did you have to come back? Why couldn't you just leave me alone?"  
  
"Ask my sister. She'll tell you. But why are you crying?" He remembered the last time he'd seen her. It had been a while, about half a year now. Since then, he'd been keeping away from her. {Not without reason, though. I mean, I didn't want to break her heart again.}  
  
(6 Months Ago)  
  
He looked out on the rest of the world. She just stood there, leaning towards him. His eyes widened as she put an arm around his shoulder. He didn't understand - Lady Layana had done that before, but it was always when he'd had some problem and had been crying all night long. Kay was just wrapping her arm around his shoulder. Then, quietly, she whispered in his ear. "Ivan, I don't know what it is, but something about you makes me feel..." She struggled for words. "Complete," she finished, somewhat lamely. "You give me this feeling, and I just can't replace it." She slowly moved her face toward his. He still didn't understand - the Lady Layana had been like a mother to him, but she had never done this.  
  
"Kay, what do you mean?" He shuddered. He had never had anybody like him this much since Bunza gave him 50 coins for information on Hammet, and he hadn't put his arm around Ivan. "What do you mean, I make you feel 'complete?' What's this feeling?"  
  
She stopped. "I... I can't explain it. It's almost like I love you."  
  
"Love?" Ivan didn't understand. The only love he'd known was that of a mother or a father, and this wasn't particularly like either. He was frightened by this, and wasn't sure whether he wanted it to go on, or just stop. He started to shy away. "But I don't love you. I mean, you're a nice friend, but... that's all." Still, there was some strange feeling when he was around her. {Is that what she's talking about? A feeling?} Curious for the answer, he read her mind.  
  
{Ivan... He seems so sad, so lonely. But what to do? He already said he doesn't love me. What's the point?} Suddenly, the link was severed. "Stop reading my mind, Ivan. It's rude. Besides, if you wanted to know something, you could have asked!" Her eyes were filled with tears, and she looked like she could have killed him on the spot if he'd tried one more thing. Hastily apologizing, he ran to Isaac's house, where he had been invited to stay while they were in Vale.  
  
The next day, he hadn't tried to go back to Kay and tell her what he'd meant. They were too busy to deal with the personal life of a confused Jupiter Adept.  
  
(Six months later)  
  
"Look, if you're still mad about that, please, don't be." She just harrumphed. "But I didn't realize that I loved you back then. I didn't know what love was." She harrumphed louder. "Please, understand. I love you." She spun around.  
  
"An angel's smile is what you sell. You promise me heaven, then put me through hell." She sighed. In an almost inaudible voice, she said, "Chains of love got a hold on me. When passion's a prison, you can't break free."  
  
"Well, I guess I'll be seeing you, Kay." Ivan walked off, but the sound of her voice made him turn around.  
  
"You're a loaded gun, there's nowhere to run. No one can save me, the damage is done." He stared at her for a minute. She walked up to him, quivering with rage. "Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. You give love a bad name. I play my part; you play your game. You give love a bad name." He spent the next half-hour trying to convince her that she was wrong. When he had finished, she planted an unloving kiss on his cheek. It felt like a snakebite. "Good-bye, Ivan." She stalked off.  
  
A few hours later, he talked with Felix about the problem. "You know," he said, "although you'd hate to admit it, you and I have a lot in common when it comes to women. We manage to pick the ones our words will hurt the most, they have brothers, and the girls still like us. But it sounds like you just lost Kay for good. Too bad - she's a nice girl, and Hama was hoping you two would get together."  
  
"It's just - she makes me so - if I have to - AARGH!!" Now he realized what Felix had gone through after leaving Hama back in Contigo. The same thing was eating him up. And he realized that he would have to speak with her again. But first, some ammunition. He ran up to Isaac and Jenna's. After knocking on the door for about ten minutes without pause, Isaac came to the door.  
  
"Ivan? Why are you here? Shouldn't you be over at the inn?" Isaac was standing in the doorway. "Oh, wait. This is about Kay, isn't it? I must admit, you did hurt her pretty badly. But let me guess - you don't really feel that way, and now she's gone and hurt you. So you want something that'll tell her how you feel, right?" He beckoned for Ivan to enter.  
  
"How did you know?" Ivan walked in to the home, and was amazed at the beauty of the place. Solid pine bookshelves stretched around half of the room, most of them (though Ivan didn't know it) filled with Isaac's writing.  
  
"Kay came in a few hours ago and requested something similar. Now then, I think I have your solution." He grabbed one of the books, opened it, and started copying something down. "This, my friend, is the answer to your problems. Now then, don't read it until you've actually gotten around to seeing her again. Tell her how you feel, tell her that she's treated you bad, then read this. It'll make her see the truth." He handed Ivan a sheet of parchment, folded in thirds. "You can go over the first third, just to get familiar with it. Now then, if it works, you owe me fifteen gold. If it doesn't, I'll pay for a ticket to wherever you'd like to go."  
  
Ivan snatched the slip of parchment, then went over the first part. It seemed fairly simple, and it was easily pronounced. It also seemed to explain the situation accurately.  
  
The next morning, Ivan strode purposefully into the town plaza. He headed straight to Kay. He'd gotten it all worked out. He'd tell her that she'd hurt him horribly, explain the situation, then read out the bit of writing he'd gotten from Isaac. From what he'd read, it was actually pretty good. But however good it was, it was bound to fail. Ivan just knew that much about the situation. The most that would happen was this: He would spout his bit, Kay would give him the cold shoulder, and he'd go live a very happy life in Shaman. About fifty miles from the next town.  
  
She saw him approach. "It's you. What do you want? And don't go about it the long way. Just say what you're going to say, no small talk, no nothing. Got it?" He nodded. She sat back. "Let me guess. You hate what I did yesterday, and you think I was unfair to you." He nodded again. "Stupid slimeball. You left me here six months ago. Six months, and I thought you hated me. Six months - do you have any idea how long that is when you're in love?" Just as she was about to continue, he held up his hand, signaling for her to stop.  
  
"Just let me get my words out."  
  
"Fire away, shrimp." Her voice dripped anger and frustration, but there was something else - a hint of... depression, maybe? Sadness? Some completely unrelated emotion, at any rate. Almost regretting the words she had just said.  
  
Ivan didn't care. He cleared his throat, then read from the paper. "Paint your smile on your lips, blood-red nails on your fingertips." His voice was shaking, but he had to say this. "A schoolboy's dream. You act so shy, your very first kiss was your kiss good-bye." He unfolded the next third-and gasped. But he was on a roll - he couldn't afford to stop now. He plowed on. "You're a loaded gun, there's nowhere to run. No one can save me, the damage is done." The parchment fell from his hands. He couldn't continue.  
  
"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. You give love a bad name. I play my part, you play your game. You give love a bad name." They both stared at the person standing there. Ivan recognized his friend's voice. "Yeah, I wrote that when I first saw Jenna. It was written when I was frustrated with love. I wrote it because I knew that Jenna would never be mine, at least not then." Isaac walked toward them. "Now then, when you realize that you have to revert to a poem to express your outrage, that's a bad sign. That's not rage - that's love." He smiled, a small, self-satisfied smile. "Now then, do you really hate each other that much?"  
  
Kay shook her head. "No, I just - I don't know what to feel." Ivan looked at her. "I mean, it's been so long, and there's been nobody for me. I thought it was some joke that Ivan was playing." Ivan shook his head at these words.  
  
"Kay, back then, I didn't know that you could love someone without being their parent or child. Nothing like that had ever happened in Kalay. I was shunted aside, Hammet's favorite servant, and therefore not someone that you could easily be friends with. The closest person to me was Bunza, and he almost tried to upset Hammet's silk train once. That was on information that I'd given him. I-" He stopped, unable to speak. Mainly because Kay had him in such a tight embrace that he was turning blue.  
  
"You were used for information?" Ivan nodded, then pointed to his neck. The neck Kay was on the verge of breaking. "Oops, sorry!" She loosened her embrace a little. He breathed in, then returned the embrace.  
  
Isaac smiled. Playing the matchmaker was fun, he decided. He had to try again sometime. Maybe with Piers and Sheba...  
  
***  
  
Freek: And all across the land, it was dubbed, "The Plot Twist Nobody Saw Coming!"  
  
Nynaeve: Freek, what are you doing? Are you making a mess of the story?  
  
Freek: No, just adding a small plot twist at the end.  
  
Nynaeve: Fine. Say, where did Rand go? I have something I need to tell him.  
  
Freek: This isn't about the whole "cleanse the taint" thing, is it?  
  
Nynaeve: No, I just need to ask him what's with this "Fearsome Foursome" that Alex fellow mentioned.  
  
Freek: Ask Gannon if you're curious.  
  
Nynaeve: No thank you.  
  
Freek: Say, whatever happened to RM?  
  
Nynaeve: Nothing much. I just shoved him in that closet.  
  
Freek: Anyone else?  
  
BM: I saw it. The new healer gal shoved RM in a closet without his character sheet! It was the most torturous thing I'd ever seen!  
  
Freek: Give me the sheet. I need to do some modifications. *Takes the sheet from Nynaeve* This will be fun. Now then, Review! The button's there for a reason!  
  
Nynaeve: That, or I get angry.  
  
Freek: That's enough of a reason to do anything. 


End file.
